The Wizard of Forks
by theenvylover
Summary: Edward tells Bella a bedtime story about her wonderful adventures in the magical land of Forks.
1. bedtime story

**The Wizard of Forks**

"But I always sing you to sleep," Edward protested.

"Are you saying that you don't have a good imagination?" I asked him back.

"You know that's not what I'm saying!"

"I'm just asking for a bedtime story…" I sighed. He gave in.

"Okay, fine. You want a story? You got it." He paused to think. "Once upon a time…"

* * *

**here we go again.**  
i'm starting another story.  
why?  
because i'm really pissed off.  
if you want me to be less pissed off  
(trust me-- you do)  
then review.  
i should have the next chapter up by the end of tonight.

-the**envy**lover

disclaimer- Twilight © and all of its contents are owned by † **Stephenie Meyer** † and not me


	2. planes, witches, munchkins, and roads

**here you go.  
**the next chapter,  
i told you i'd update soon.

the print in _italics_ is edward's voice as the narrator.  
everything else is taking place in the story

-the**envy**lover

**The Wizard of Forks**

_Once upon a time, a girl named Bella was on a plane. She was headed to her Dad's house because her mom wanted to travel with her husband; the baseball hero. _

_On her way to Washington State her plane got sucked into a tornado and crashed._

"What?" Bella asked the voice. Just then a tornado came out of nowhere and crashed the plane into the ground.

_She was unharmed._

"But what about everybody else?" Bella asked the voice again.

_They died._

"Well, that's not very nice…"

_No, that's the plot. Now, Bella was eager to get to her dad's house_.

"No I'm not."

_Quiet. Now, Bella was eager to…_

"Don't tell me to 'quiet'!"

_Yeah, let me finish._

"Fine."

_So, anyways, Bella was eager to get to her dad's house but she didn't know the way._

"Yeah I do, it's that way," Bella told the voice as she pointed to the North. "All I have to do is follow this yellow brick road…"

_Let me tell the story! –heavy sigh- Okay, now, Bella didn't know where to—put your arm down! You're not going to go that way!_

Bella reluctantly put her arm down and looked up at the sky. "Now what?"

_Then the um, nice witch of the North came down from a bubble._

A bubble appeared in front of Bella and she popped it. As soon as she did, Esme tumbled out.

"What am I doing here?" she asked Bella.

_Argh! You're the nice witch of the North; introduce her to the munchkins or something._

"Oh, okay… um, munchkins?" Esme asked the bushes. Out sprang several dozen Alices.

"Why am _I_ the munchkins?" Alice yelled at the voice.

_Because you're small, get over it. Anyways, the munch—_

"I refuse to be the munchkins!" Alice shouted. In a poof she appeared under the plane in striped socks and red slippers.

_Now that __that's__ over with, Esme take the shoes and give them to Bella._

"But they're Alice's dear. Can't we just buy Bella her own shoes?" Esme asked the voice.

"They're really tacky," Bella commented from her side.

_No, Esme, give Bella the shoes. I don't care if they're Alice's, I don't care if they're tacky, just get the shoes!_

"Fine, Mr. Angry…" Bella grumbled as she traded shoes with Alice. She stepped back to admire them and looked up. "Now what?"

_Well, since the munchkins got hit by a plane, Esme has to sing a song about the yellow brick road to you._

Bella and Esme looked at each other before laughing.

_I'm serious._

"But honey, I don't know any songs about the yellow brick road," Esme stated. "I know a song about a yellow submarine…"

_It goes like this; follow the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. –heavy sigh- Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road._

"That's quite catchy," Esme stated as she started to hum.

_Yeah, anyways… Bella; start following the yellow brick road._

"But you told me I wouldn't go that way!" Bella argued.

_I changed my mind._

With a heavy sigh Bella started to make her way down the yellow brick road.

* * *

:D  
okay, so,  
i'm somewhat less pissed than i was awhile ago.  
so that's good news.

-the**envy**lover

disclaimer- Twilight © and all of its contents are owned by † **Stephenie Meyer** † and not me.


	3. scarecrows, brains, and plot lines

**sorry, but it's short**  
these are easier to write so this might be updated either twice a day or just once  
either way i should be able to send one a day.  
you're welcome.  
-the**envy**lover

**The Wizard of Forks**

_Bella was skipping along the yellow brick road when—_

"'Skipping?'" Bella asked the voice. "I don't skip. Especially not on something as bumpy as a brick road…"

_Fine, Bella was walking really slowly along the yellow brick road when—_

"I'm not slow!"

_You are to me. Okay, Bella was walking at a reasonable pace along the yellow brick road when she saw a scarecrow._

"Cool." Bella continued to walk right past it.

…_Hey, scarecrow! You're supposed to tell her which direction to go._

"How was I supposed to know that?" Emmett the scarecrow yelled at the sky.

"Yeah, isn't that your job?" Bella asked.

_Bella, help the scarecrow down. He's going to be your new travel buddy._

"I'd rather just go alone."

_Oh well._

Bella took another look at the scarecrow. "He's strong," she told the sky.

_Of course he's strong, he's Emmett._

"Well, if he couldn't get himself off then what makes you think _I_ can?"

_Because you have a brain._

"Are you saying I don't?" Emmett yelled at the sky.

_Yes. You're going to go to forks with Bella so you can get a brain and she can get to her dad's house._

"Who's going to willingly give their brain to Emmett?" Bella asked.

_Not __their__ brain, __a__ brain!_

"So, we talkin zombies?" Emmett asked.

_You know what? Screw the plot. You, scarecrow, go with Bella to the Wizard of Forks._

"Do I have to?" Emmett complained. A bolt of lightening struck the wood and Emmett fell off.

_Yes. Go._

And with that Emmett and Bella followed the yellow brick road into the apple tree forest.

* * *

i am officially less pissed.  
-yay-  
that is mostly because people reviewed.  
so, thank you people who reviewed.  
i love you.  
:D

-the**envy**lover

disclaimer- Twilight © and all of its contents are owned by † **Stephenie Meyer** † and not me.


	4. singing, tin men, and toto

**so i'm mad at FanFiction dot Net.  
**they aren't sending the alerts  
:P  
well, i hope this gets to the people who want to read it...  
-the**envy**lover

**Wizard of Forks**

_Why aren't you guys singing?_

"Singing?" Bella asked the voice.

"Dude, I'm not singing," Emmett remarked from beside Bella.

_You're supposed to sing the Wizard of Oz song skillfully rewritten to match this story._

"And how does that go?" Bella asked.

'_We're off to see the Wizard. The wonderful wizard of Forks. We hear he is a wiz of a wiz if ever a wiz there, um, Forks.'_

"'If ever a wiz there Forks?'" Bella asked the voice. "That's doesn't make much sense."

_Well, what rhymes with Forks?_

"Works," Emmett stated.

"Storks," Bella mentioned.

_Fine you smart-alecs. Sing a song about Forks and storks._

"We're off the see the wizard. The wonderful wizard of Forks. We hear he is a wiz of a wiz of… storks," Bella and Emmett talk-sang. It was really pitiful.

_Okay, well, anyways; Bella and Emmett were walking along the yellow brick road when they heard something._

"Something," a voice said from the bushes. Emmett and Bella kept walking.

_-heavy sigh- Go get the tin man, she's you're new travel buddy._

"Tin _man?_ I do not look like a _man_!" Rosalie's voice sounded.

"Oh, I get it. You're heartless…" Emmett concluded. Rosalie attacked him.

_You're not supposed to be able to move._

"I don't want to be the tin man!" Rosalie shouted at the sky.

"It's better than the alternative…" Bella stated.

"What else is there?" Rosalie asked her.

"Well, we seem to be missing a Toto, flying monkeys, an evil witch, a cowardly lion, and a wizard," Bella told her. "Would you rather be one of those?"

"Wait, where _is_ Toto?" Emmett asked the sky.

_Ugh, can't you just, not have a Toto?_

"I don't think so, we need a Toto," Emmett grinned.

_Fine, you want a Toto? You got a Toto. But _you! You_ will have to pick up the poop straw-boy!_

A small version of Jacob poofed in Emmett's arms.

"What am I doing here?" Jacob asked. Bella turned away and Rosalie laughed.

"Why are you naked?" Emmett asked as he dropped him.

"Why am I naked?!?" Jacob exclaimed, trying to cover his—yeah…

_Haha, dogs don't wear clothes…_

"Who said that?" Jacob asked, still covering himself.

_I did._

"And who are you?" Jacob asked again.

"Like you couldn't figure it out?" Rosalie mumbled.

_God. Now go along on your merry way out of the Apple Tree Forest._

They started out of the forest; Rosalie next to Emmett next to Bella next to a newly clothed Jacob.

* * *

we're off to see the wizard,  
the wonderful wizard of Forks.  
we hear he is a wiz of a wiz  
and he has a few pet storks  
if ever a wonderful wiz there was  
Carlisle he was  
because because  
because because because because _because_  
because of the wonderful things he does!  
we're off to see the wizard,  
the wonderful wizard of Forks. 

...  
i have too much time on my hands...

-the**envy**lover

disclaimer- Twilight © and all of its contents are owned by † **Stephenie Meyer** † and not me.


	5. wicked witch, shoes, and minions

**meh.**  
i've decided that i won't post more of "Not Another Bella and Daughter Story" until i either get enough reviews or i finish this story.  
that's what those readers get for pissing me off.  
also, "Micheal" won't start again until i start "Not Another Bella and Daughter Story" and "In Jasper's Words" won't start again until i am all out of ideas.  
sorry, but right now i am not happy.  
the ratio of reviews to hits is the cause of it.  
enjoy life while you can  
-the**envy**lover

**The Wizard of Forks**

_Bella, the stupid scarecrow, the heartless tin man, and the pathetic mutt were leaving the Apple Tree forest when the Wicked Witch of the West appeared to try to take Bella's slippers._

"Oh, hello Bella! How good it is to see you!" the Wicked Witch of the West greeted.

"Um, hi Aro," Bella started nervously. "How have you been?"

"Ah, you know; same old, same old. Wait, why are you still—"

_NO! No chit-chat! Just try to take the shoes!_

"Why would I want _those_ shoes?" Aro asked the sky. "They're positively hideous, not to mention they're ladies' shoes…"

_They're magical or something…Just, don't question the story and try to take them._

"Now what?" Aro asked as he held up the shoes. Bella didn't even notice that he had moved.

_No! You can't take them! Scarecrow, Tin Man, you're supposed to—hey, where are they?_

"They got bored," Toto explained, "and horny…"

_Again? But they just—oh, never mind. Okay; you, Wicked Witch, give Bella back her shoes._

"Here," Aro handed Bella the shoes but she held up her hands.

"I don't want them. They hurt to walk in and they clash with my outfit…"

_Take the shoes!_

Bella took the shoes and put them on.

_Now, Wicked Witch say 'I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!'  
_  
"I get you my pretty and your little dog too."

_Good. Now, call your flying monkeys and fly away to your evil lair or something…  
_  
"I have flying monkey minions?" Aro asked happily. "Oh minions!"

"Yes, master?" an aggravated Jane monkey asked. Aro started laughing. "You know what? Go find the lair yourself! I should've stayed with Demetri and Felix…" Jane grumbled as she flew away.

"No! Jane! Come back! I didn't mean anything!" Aro called as he chased down Jane.

"What just happened?" Jacob the Toto asked Bella.

"I don't know. Hey," Bella asked the sky, "are we almost done here?"

_No. Now, Toto, go tell the lovebirds that we're continuing the story._

"I'm not going over there," Toto said to the sky. "I can wait."

**-eight hours later-**

"Hey guys, what did we miss?" Emmett asked as he buttoned his shirt.

_Okay, now that everybody is um, situated, let's continue our journey._

* * *

disclaimer- Twilight © and all of its contents are owned by † **Stephenie Meyer** † and not me. 


	6. lions and plots and flowers oh my!

It's short because i'm only slightly pissed.  
and because i wrote it in 40 minutes...

-the**envy**lover

**The Wizard of Forks **

"What now?" Bella asked the sky.

"I think we need a scared lion or something…" Jacob answered her.

_You're not supposed to talk. Shut up._

"Well maybe if you came up with a plot fast enough, we wouldn't have to walk around in circles," Jacob shot back.

_For some strange reason Toto lost his voice._

"No I didn't," Jacob didn't say. _He _didn't say it because he lost his voice.

_What a loser._

"So where to now oh knowledgeable one?" Emmett the scarecrow asked sarcastically.

"Rawr," a voice called from the forest unenthusiastically. The voice didn't seem too happy.

_That wasn't cowardly enough._

"Deal with it," the voice said blankly.

"Jasper?" Rosalie asked the forest. The forest sighed back.

"This doesn't make any sense," Jasper told the sky as he stepped out of the darkness. "I'm the most courageous one here."

"You're the only one left," Bella shrugged. "Now, off to the Emerald City!"

_There is no __Emerald_ _City_

"What?" Bella stopped halfway and looked up. "Where are we going then?"

_Forks._

"Ew," Rosalie remarked. "Why would we want to go _there_?"

_Because it's the plot of the story! Bella goes to Forks so she can ask the wizard to go home! _

"Then why are _we_ here?" Emmett asked. "There are a lot of fun things I'd rather be doing…" On cue he grabbed Rosalie and pulled her closer.

_You're going to get a brain, the tin man's getting a heart, and the lion's getting courage._

"How am I going to receive this 'courage'" Jasper the cowardly lion asked. "What's in it for me?"

_Anyways…_

"Hey!" Jasper exclaimed. "You didn't ans—"

_The group decided to pass through a field of flowers._

"Let's go through that field of flowers," Emmett decided.

_What they didn't know is that the Wicked Witch put a spell on the flowers to make them pass out._

"Let's keep following the yellow brick road," Bella decided. The group followed her.

_You're supposed to go through the field of flowers!_

"Why would we do that if they're poisoned?" Bella asked. "That would be stupid…"

_You don't know they're poisoned!_

"Yes we do," Rosalie said.

"We're not stupid," Jacob didn't say. He still couldn't talk.

_They… aren't poisoned._

"You shouldn't lie," Emmett grinned. "It's rude."

_You know what? I'm telling the story and you went through the flowers. Suck on that!_

The group randomly poofed into the middle of the field. Bella and Jacob fell asleep instantly while the others were wide awake as usual. Even in a fictional story; they still can't sleep.

**Somewhere in a castle far, far away  
****Volterra to be exact.**

"Well that was useless," The Jane flying monkey commented.

"Whose idea was _that_?" the Demetri flying monkey asked.

Aro sat in his corner, sulking over his failed plan.

* * *

i have decided that i will not update til i am pissed.  
i write best when pissed.  
it makes me less pissed.  
i am now less pissed.

review or i'll just stop.  
...  
i might not "just stop" it but if people don't review i'll just end it next chapter with  
"then they all just died."

don't think i won't.

-the**envy**lover


End file.
